Week 5 Reading Response #1

Week 5-Reading Response #1: Can we talk? By Deborah Tannen
Question 1:

In this essay, Tannen is explaining the relationship between a mother and daughter and how very complex it can be. Clearly in her essay Tannen is saying that the relationship is full of contradictions, passion and hurt. It can be likened to the phrase “walking on eggshells.”

Her paragraphs under the “Small Spark, Big Flare-up” rings true for many mothers and daughters. I think a big part of it stems from the daughter, who from a very young age, wants to be perfect, wants to please the mom. She wants to be just like her and any comment whether it was meant as a criticism or just a comment from the mom, makes the hackles rise so to say. Then the defensive attitude kicks in and both the daughter and the mom become upset. Women tend to be emotional beings and many times react before they truly hear the meaning. So the true meaning gets totally distorted and feelings are hurt.

Most mothers want what is best for their daughters. As a parent the mother has been through many life experiences, both good and bad, and wants to share those with her daughter. Wants to protect her from making the same mistakes that she has made in life. In one paragraph Tannen talks about connection and control. On one hand the mother is trying to connect with the daughter when she makes a comment but on the other hand is there an underlying wish to control what the daughter does as she grows older?

I do think that communication between people is difficult and that the communication between mothers’ and daughters can be extremely complex. I think the relationship between a mother and son is also complex, but at a different level. The communications between a mother and son are at a much more practical level. The mother of a son wants to nurture him as he grows up, but also wants him to be able to able to fend for himself so that he too can become successful and hopefully someday be with a girl just like her. A mother/son relationship is just as important, but is less complex.